Red Flags of Narcissism
By Kathy KrajcoSince narcissists are such expert con artists, how do you spot them? By not judging by appearances. Or reputation. A specific behavior, such as being haughty, inconsiderate, or ignoring someone, can occur in widely varying contexts. So, it can be done for many reasons, not just narcissistic reasons. Nonetheless, there are few behaviors so unique to persons suffering from NPD that they should serve as red flags.Here are eight red flags:
- puts on a conspicuous display of goodness and kindness
- damages the images of most others
- has a history of past upheavals
- is hated for mysterious reasons by people close to them
- exhibits unnatural and perplexing behavior -- backwards reactions to things
- is a control freak, trampling privacy/boundaries
- is extremely self-absorbed
- has a hostile reaction to attention and credit given others
This was a quote of the late Kathy Krajco's book from the Narcissists Suck blog article "Controlling Others vs. Self Control"
I'm going to use these red flags from now on. I also have one to add, "gives patronizing untruthful compliments that veils underlying hostility." Sometimes there's even a strategy behind empty compliments in an attempt to try and make another more deserving person feel jealous of you. I'll never forget how embarrassed I was when I was one of the first people announced at a dinner banquet for having worked at a trial. The attorney announced my name to thank me and I knew I was undeserving of such praise. I knew many women who had worked far harder and longer hours in the room were horrified as I was just a temporary employee. Their names weren't even called. This tends to cause certain types of women to hate you. Then at the dinner table, a few attorneys centered the conversation on me and called me "awesome." I did jack swat, a little typing, clerical work. I was so embarrassed.
Opening Wollmann's Deceptive Fan Mail "Your Jazz Singing!"
It was ultimately difficult to avoid Wollmann on-line due to his posing behind a fan email, however I should have never responded. Regardless of knowing red flags, for me the problem remains there are an overwhelming number of control freak and malignant narcissists who live in San Francisco who gravitate towards management, especially in law firms. The fact is, narcissists are everywhere and usually seek positions of control and power over others.
Narcissists at Work; Hard to Avoid
I noted one of the worst cases of narcissism of a co-worker last year, call him "M". M did nothing but think and talk about himself all day and continually put on a display of kindness and goodness. He'd ask me to run Google searches on his name to see his accomplishments on behalf of charities. As I sat next to his desk one day, he'd keep asking "have you run a search on me yet?" I'd have to respond "Not yet, I'm finishing up my work."
M would feel it necessary to continually brag about whatever he was excelling in from his bowling tournaments to recent success skydiving. He even showed me his sky diving video at work. This had followed his bringing photos of himself at a AIDS charity bicycling event in 1992. He even offered for me to take the photos home to take adequate time to view them. At parties, he would talk hours about his stunt in the military way back in the early 80's. I only put up with it all because he was gay.
Shortly after showing me his bicycling photos, M entered into another charity biking event from San Francisco to Los Angeles. I donated as with other co-workers and attorneys but apparently that wasn't enough. I was duly punished for not showing up to his return cycling ceremony in which he ignored me thereafter. I apologized via email for not being able to attend. He not only didn't respond by email but ignored me when I returned to work; my punishment for not worshiping his majesty.
My co-worker had all the classic signs of malignant narcissistic personality disorder. M even once told me I meant the world to him though I didn't even know him nor him me. He'd project onto me often and give me empty compliments having nothing to do with reality. He'd continually refer to me as "honey" at work and just behave like an absolute ass while believing I bought his con. I saw through him right from the start but unfortunately in a work environment there's little you can do about such a person. Under normal circumstances I would have told this guy to take a hike. You can't do that in the workplace due to politics.
After all of our discussions, out of the blue M would ask me what I had done with my life. When I didn't respond appropriately, he would tell me how great I was (i.e., project what he wanted me to be for his ego). Where does one begin to answer such a rigged question? A narcissist says in so many words, "I've demonstrated how great I am in my life and accomplishments, now what have you done?"
The reality is M is just a legal word processor at 50 helping out a legal staff, including secretaries. M was one of the worst cases of male narcissism I've ever encountered other than my crazy former roommate from 1999 and cyberstalker Wollmann. Because it was at work it was of little consequence to me personally, although he did attempt to forge an alliance with my employment agency he had worked for in order to have some form of authority over me.
Narcissist Neighbors/Tenants
Then of course, my neighbor seems to have control issues with me suggesting she may be a control freak kind of narcissist. Because of this neighbor, I no longer sing in my own home. She'd complain by pounding on my walls at 7:00 p.m on a weekend night. She'd knock on my door, ring my door bell and even leave notes. I tried to reason with her, but finally gave it up. Because of her, I think twice when I leave my "cell" (i.e., home) to do a large load of laundry because she may indeed open her door and ask me "why are you leaving so much?" as she did a few days ago. I haven't seen nor heard one guest entering her unit in nearly 6 years. Like a former roommate, she's focused on me because I'm the closest human being in her proximity, and make noise at times. Like my former sick roommate, she probably keeps a diary of my comings and goings, so typical of mentally ill control freaks.
A Creepy Little Tenant's Offers of Help
There's this other creepy little tenant who often shows up out of nowhere to extend offers of help lifting heavy objects. You keep telling her no thank you and she just keeps offering. I recently responded to her offer of lifting heavy bottles of water, "No thank you, I don't want you to risk hurting your back." Her response "I could go open the garage fo
r you to bring up your item in the elevator?" "No thank you!"
The very next day the creepy little lady shows up out of nowhere on my floor offering to help me move my solar panel to the garage even though I have it under control. She asks, "Do you need help with that?" "No thank you." She remains gawking at me and I add "You're really a nosy person, I've made it really clear I don't need your help, go away!" "Okay". Whew, she finally leaves. Later that day creepy little tenant forced a favor on me in the garage, propping open the door entry way for me without my requesting it. Creepy! I don't want this lady's help. (See Controlling Others vs. Self Control)
"For people as self-absorbed and seemingly uninterested in you as malignant narcissists are, they are very snoopy. They go through your drawers and papers. They are looking for dirt, and they are trying to find out if you're on to them. Hence, like all abusers, they often spy on and stalk their victims." - The late Kathy Krajco's Blog
The next day this creepy little tenant was spying on me from the laundry area. I passed by the hallway to note her peeking her creepy little head out to see if it was me. For a split second our eyes locked and I swear the woman looked like one of the zombies in the photo of this article (the one on the bottom right of the picture). She seemed even fearful of me, typical of those who take on the role of the victim. In a narcissist's mind, there's something wrong with me, not her, because I don't want her help. I'm the offensive one! How dare I reject her generous favors? The same goes for my neighbor, I'm sure in her mind I'm victimizing her for not catering to her needs in some way. That is, her need for absolute silence for me to stay in my unit at all times, etc.
These lonely women in San Francisco can be really crazy and whenever I get a hint of a control freak I now become proactive to the max. Otherwise, they'll just try to use you to accommodate their illness. When you observe red flags of an acquaintance or stranger's behavior towards you, you must become proactive and do something about it. If you just pretend the problem doesn't exist or choose to allow it fester it will burn into an enormous fire to consume you and your life.
Doing Nothing vs. Being Proactive
You have to be proactive dealing with these personality types effectively or they'll take over completely. They're illness is like a virus looking for ways to grow. You have to know the "red flags" as stated above and avoid these kind of control freaks. They seem to gravitate towards me because in the past I've been easy to control, but not anymore. I will not detail how I've acted proactively this time with my harassing neighbor, but I can say I will never sit back and let these people trample all over me ever again if I can help it.
I thought there no better example of how extreme narcissists, in this case Thai royalty, oppress free speech. In this case, this poor Australian fellow had the audacity to allegedly insult Thailand's King Bhumibol Adulyadej in his book Verisimilitude. As a result of his mere suggestion of royal abuse of power in his novel, Harry Nicolaides has been sentenced to three years behind bars. As Nicolaides left for home from the Thailand airport, he was arrested and eventually placed on trial. In a statement to his family, Nicolaides claims he endured unspeakable suffering during his pretrial detention. The photo kind of says it all. Imagine what he will experience when he actually goes to a Thai prison.This is a good example of how Edmond Wollmann views himself, in all his malignant narcissism glory, as royalty beyond reproach for his abuse of the Internet. According to my former sound engineer, Wollmann has Photoshoped a depiction of me behind bars on his blog. Much like extremely twisted monarchs who don't respect freedom of speech that is a basic component in America, Edmond Wollmann would certainly have placed me behind bars for disclosing his criminal history on this blog among the other factual information I've presented. He has already done so virtually using Photoshop, and he would do so if he had any "real" power for my daring to stand up to his libel and cyberstalking harassment activities.I have also already "virtually tased" Edmond Wollmann in my defense for his aggressive cyberstalking, email harassment and libel and will be providing another tase demonstration video shortly.
Let there be no doubt who will prevail should Edmond Wollmann ever have the audacity to come onto my property and anywhere near my vicinity in San Francisco. With all of his postings for the world to see, along with his stalking trespassing criminal background, I would be most justified in defending myself from this psycho thug in the eyes of the law.We've got security cameras in our building everywhere too. Our building manager is fully aware of this moronic imbecile's posting threats and activities. Coincidentally, she's a real astrologer who once did my chart for me. She said she's never heard of an astrologer named Edmond Wollmann and he's not recognized in astrological circles as a credible source of information on astrology.Should Edmond Wollmann ever come up to San Francisco to pay me a visit, he will be leaving in a body bag.
Ann Coulter is on the media circuit promoting her new book "Guilty: How Liberals are Assaulting America." (Excerpts) Coulter's main theme is how liberals are always playing the false role of the victim to victimize others. I must say, though I'm by no means a Republican (I really like Ron Paul though), I have noticed an overwhelming trend in San Francisco of people taking on the false role of a victim in order to victimize others. I may have done this myself in my 20's, but most people grow out of this mentality unless they're malignantly mentally ill.
I've noticed adults in their 40's still employing the false victim role strategy and Edmond Wollmann is one of them. Wollmann claims he's innocent of any wrongdoing in his FAQ (link) section he wrote on USNET and another site. He also claims the cases I've put up on this blog about his recent criminal convictions are all forgeries as he freely libels my name in accusing me of being a convicted felon who went to prison.
It's hard to imagine, how hard you work in life only for people who play the false role of the victim to victimize you. I've worked hard over the years to have an 800+ FICO score and have lived conservatively putting in a lot of overtime work. My days of petty theft over 25 years ago of stealing a few tanks of gas as a college student are long gone. I haven't owned a car since 1986 and have paid back someone I borrowed money from in the 80's, with interest.Poor Princess Diana
A lady, call her Princess Diana, complains at work about her making $500/mo SUV lease payments in which she receives free money and large loans from coworkers who feel bad for her. Imagine what kind of people, based on this hardship story, would fork out a $100 free money personal donation or $350 for a loan to get the SUV out of tow for her? Naive? Desperate for a friend? Yet, within a couple months or so after coworker help, Princess Diana can suddenly afford to get expensive hair coloring treatments and go out for entertainment at night. Why, she even suggested we go out to dinner so she could tell me all about her new bo George.
Ms. Hollywood moved up to an expensive city from Los Angeles, broke and in deep debt having been laid-off for several months from the movie industry. She's special because she knows the Hollywood crowd having worked years at New Line, producers for Lord of the Rings, a now defunct company purchased by Time Warner. Star blinded, a top law firm wanted to hire her in spite of her lack of sound legal skills. She has expected her coworkers to do her job for her as she takes off to a lunch party and even weeks at a time claiming to be deathly ill. Her pattern of lateness isn't of any consequence.At the ripe age of 43, Princess Diana has had everything she's ever wanted in life, including having worked and lived in Egypt, in her many travels seeing the world with nice cars and a nice lifestyle. However, because of her financial mismanagement, everyone must support her personal problems to the detriment of themselves. I must do her job for her when she calls for help, and get her lunch for her so she can attend her massage therapist. I must let her walk all over me while she plays the false role of the victim. Poor Princess Diana! She works no overtime, nor has she ever struggled a day in her life. She had a job 10 years in Los Angeles in the entertainment industry. Yet, the whole world must donate money to her. The whole world must give her loans due to her SUV being towed. We all must bow to Princess Diana.
Criminals Often Set-Up Their Victims
I remember as a teenager one of my first real jobs working at a beach hut snack shack in Redondo Beach one summer. I was set-up by a fellow peer, a pot head named Ann Trakis, and later accused of stealing $50 from the register. The beach hut owner came to our house to ask my parents to pay for the theft. I was completely innocent. That was my first experience with criminals attempting to set me up as the fall person.
I've noticed a pattern of those who want a free ride in life always setting me up to be their fall person. I do their work for them, they take my job, they get things handed to them on a silver platter while their deficiencies are overlooked as I'm put under a microscope. That's criminal behavior. That is, criminals who want to discriminate against people who work hard, who set up people to fail. I've run into this a lot and it usually takes on elements of office politics which in itself can be brutal and full of injustice and unfairness. Another Example of a False Victim Role
A former 5 time evicted roommate, bankrupted twice in 10 years, played the false role of victim in order to take over a great lease deal in San Francisco she should have never been able to obtain with her history. Cassells called the police on me several times when I wasn't even there as I worked long hours late at night at a law firm. Cassells didn't pay rent at the Mary Beth Inn for 12 months prior to their finally evicting her before she moved in to where I was living in 1996. She filed for her second bankruptcy over a mere $5,000 in 2006.
People who play the false role of the victim to the detriment of hard working' people are a form of parasitic criminal. They want a free ride in life or are on a power trip about themselves on the backs of hard working people. This former roommate Joyce Cassells is just one of many examples of what I've encountered. She also took out a $90,000 student loan late in life she has no intention on paying back in her lifetime.
Now there is an obvious mentally ill criminal, Edmond Wollmann, libeling my name because I wouldn't put up with his harsh criticism, lies and misrepresentations about himself when he contacted me by email. Wollmann's posting activity is a good example of how the criminal mindset works. He has no regard for his guilt of his recent crimes as he has the audacity to post about me being an alleged felon who went to prison. Kirkland & Ellis LLP doesn't hire felons!
The fact is, in the eyes of the law, I have no criminal record. The fact is, whatever petty incident happened long ago in my 20's was forgiven by the court system and has been dismissed in the eyes of the law. So, this is what criminals do, they attempt to set-up their victims to appear to be what they are. Today I am a certified paralegal who graduated college with a 4.0 GPA and also a notary public. I have a FICO score in the 800's and live in a nice area in San Francisco, all due to my hard work in life putting in long hours supporting attorneys over the past decade.
You'd think Edmond Wollmann would have introspection for his most recent crimes, but he doesn't have the capacity to do so. Wollmann is a strange man with strange problems the average person such as myself shouldn't have to be dealing with.
January 6, 2008 - "The head of the city's organized crime unit and Decatur's officer of the year for 2007 — was arrested late Monday by a federal fugitive task force in the lobby of a Hampton Inn hotel in Las Vegas. He was charged with theft."
This story is just one example of how some of these big brother types who are spying on others' lives in order to incriminate innocent people such as myself, are doing so to oppress out of their own self interest. They have no real concept of justice or higher moral principles as what they do is a form of hypocrisy as presented in this cop on the run story.
"An Alabama police organized crime specialist who vanished last week amid signs of a struggle, triggering a search of a nearby river, was arrested in Las Vegas and accused of staging his disappearance to cover up a theft, authorities said Tuesday. Police said Sgt. Faron White, 48, vanished in a bid to cover up a theft of $2,500 from his department in the north Alabama city of Decatur."
Things can change in the blink of an eye exposing these big brother impostors for what they are.
Story on MSNBC.com
Imagine waking up one morning to an email from someone who is tracking you like Big Brother, in which such a person accuses you of being fired from every job you've ever worked at. That's what it's like being a victim of Edmond Wollmann. He will not stop making his victims feel as if they're under surveillance 24 hours a day. If this man could get away with placing cameras in my home I'm sure he'd do so.
This morning I got a nasty email through the Yelp system under my member name accusing me of being fired from every job I've ever worked at. Wollmann obviously scoured my Yelp reviews in which I had reviewed a bad employment agency.
I will counter his accusation, as I'm sure he's posting more libel and lies, by providing evidence I survived at Kirkland & Ellis LLP, a law firm recognized as an extremely difficult culture in the San Francisco area, for two years. The position was newly created and my only two predecessors were fired within months.
I survived a very difficult position serving the entire legal staff at night without one complaint for missed deadlines or work quality. Kirkland deliberately burned me out in the position refusing to hire additional staff in spite of the fact they added an entire 1.5 floors to my workload. I complained about my workflow issues a few times and they said bye-bye. It wasn't my fault, it was this law firm's poor management and political culture why I couldn't survive beyond two years. They also provide matching 401K donations after an employee's two year anniversary which is why they prefer to burn out employees. Prior to that I worked at another brutal law firm, Pillsbury Winthrop, for 3.5 years and wasn't fired there.
An example of this law firm's culture is best exemplified in how the Director of Administration, Ms. Recht, is a huge fan of Kirkland's special counsel, Kenneth Starr who often visited the office. Kenneth Starr was the insane prosecutor in the Clinton Impeachment scandal and recently filed a brief in favor of the Gay/Lesbian anti marriage Proposition 8 (link). 
I'm posting my job offer letter from 2004 and the 2006 review and bonus document I received in response to whatever crazy posts this man is putting up on me to libel my name. I was instructed to counter Wollmann's libel with reality, real documents, real facts. My work was considered "high quality" by an extremely demanding law firm such that I was the first person in the position who had ever received a raise and bonus. The others who preceded me were terminated within months. Edmond Wollmann has had his own astrological consulting business the past decade. He's had a PO Box he's hidden behind for years because he's not a legitimate business owner who obviously fears lawsuits.
Seeing how this man isn't stopping his surveillance, I've decided to purchase a firearm. Seriously, I'm buying a gun for my own protection. I can legally own one, Wollmann can't because of his criminal record.
r you to bring up your item in the elevator?" "No thank you!"
