A Demonic Entity Beat Me Up Last Night; Gave Me Hives Too!

For the past several weeks, even months, I've been showing signs of demonic entity attacks. First the bruise came out of nowhere, then the hives all over my body this morning. The photos don't really show the extent of the hives but there are red botches and bumps all over my body. I haven't had hives for 35 years. Back then I got hives because I was running through fields of dry weeds and wild plants.

The bottom line is, the Grim Reaper is drawing near. My body is giving me all kinds of signs and I'm only 49. I honestly don't think I have more then two, maybe three years left on earth. I think I'll be gone by 2012 easily. This world won't miss me one bit, nor me it.

A few days ago I did my holographic last will and testament as I cursed the attorneys who created such overblown language for me to have to write by hand. I added a little note at the end "damn these attorneys!" And I do mean damn them.

Everything's going to The Humane Society of the United States with an emphasis to abolishing puppy mills where they torture dogs all of their lives. The HSUS is also the beneficiary listed on all of my IRA and bank accounts.

• Humane Society of the United States